Author: Bud-Clare
Recipient: Anya
Rating: G
Fandoms: Star Trek: The Next Generation, Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Summary: Two androids stranded on an empty planet.
After the first hundred years, Data started having trouble distinguishing between dreaming and waking.
After the second hundred, he gave up trying.
"You can ignore me some more if you want," his companion offered.
"Have I been ignoring you?"
"Yes. But everyone does."
"I am sorry," Data said. "If it is any consolation, I believed that we were having a discussion about the capacity of trees to attain sentience, but it appears that it was only a dream."
His companion stared at him for a long moment. "You can ignore me some more if you want," he repeated.
Data took a little extra time to process that statement. "I understand," he said at last. Once he had learned to take Marvin's general outlook on life into account, it became quite easy to navigate the nuances of the other android's speech.
"Although," Data said, "it is also possible that the conversation did in fact occur, and that this is the dream."
"Thought that up all by yourself, did you?"
Data noted the sarcasm. "You are correct. The real Marvin would never have a conversation about tree sentience."
Marvin sighed. "Not unless I was dreadfully bored. Which I always am," he said.
"So we may have had that conversation?" Data said.
"I wouldn't think so."
"Ah," Data said.
Data calculated a few new prime numbers before becoming so bored that he nearly shut himself down for awhile in despair. The only thing stopping him was the knowledge that his dreams were rapidly turning just as boring as reality.
Data heaved a long sigh. It was a habit that he had inadvertently picked up from Marvin.
Marvin echoed the sigh. "Life," Marvin said.
"Yes," Data confirmed.
Data decided to sleep for awhile after all.
"I have been considering the concept known as 'magic'," Data said. "I think that perhaps the correct words spoken at just the correct moment and in the correct place could trigger some kind of quantum event."
He paused a moment in case Marvin wanted to respond. He didn't.
Data continued. "Possibly such a circumstance was responsible for my arrival here. If my hypothesis is correct, I might be able to return to my universe by the same means."
Marvin turned his head to stare at Data, but he still said nothing.
"The last thing that I said before I arrived here was, 'You are a good cat, Spot.' However, I have said that exact thing many times before with no ill effects," Data said. "That is why I believe that other factors must have played a role. Perhaps that particular spot on Spot's back is somehow significant, and scratching it in just the right way was the deciding factor."
Data fell silent for a long time. "Or perhaps I am dreaming again," he said at last.
"Life is a nightmare," Marvin said. "I wrote a lullaby. Would you like to hear it?"
"I think that I hear something," Data said.
Marvin raised his head minutely. After a slight pause, he said, "I think that your sensors are malfunctioning."
Data listened intently while running a few diagnostics. Then he took the sensors off-line to perform some more thorough tests, but could still find nothing wrong. When he brought the sensors back on-line, he could still hear the sound. "I do not believe that they are malfunctioning," he said.
"Maybe my sensors are going bad. I can only hope," Marvin said. "Not that I ever do."
"Perhaps it is some kind of ship," Data said, scanning the skies. "But I do not see a ship approaching."
"It could be cloaked, I suppose," Marvin said. "But I still don't hear anything."
"Perhaps I should make a sweep of the area for signs of a ship. It could be our chance to finally get off of this planet," Data said, dusting himself off and getting to his feet.
"Suit yourself," Marvin said, making no move to get up.
Data hesitated. "On the other hand, by straying from the site of my unexplained physical relocation, I might lose my chance to return home. Perhaps I'll have only a small window of opportunity, which I might miss while off searching for an invisible ship."
"None of it's worth the bother, anyway," Marvin said with a sigh.
Data sighed as well. He sat back down. "I can no longer hear the ship. I may have just imagined it," he said.
"Very likely," Marvin said.
A shuttlepod landed in front of Data with no fanfare at all. Geordi and Worf emerged from it, phasers ready.
"Geordi! Worf!" Data said without getting up.
Geordi grinned. "Data! Hey, have you seen a big, green rabbit around here? Q turned Commander Riker into a...nevermind. It'll take too long to explain. But have you seen anything odd lately?"
"No," Data said. "I have seen nothing unusual in years. Centuries, in fact. How is it that you are still alive?"
"A Romulan experiment gone wrong. The whole ship's been in a kind of stasis for years," Geordi said. "Let's go. We've got a birthday party to get to."
"Very well," Data said. But when he tried to get up, he found that his legs had fused with the rock face. "Curious," he said.
"We cannot be late," Worf said. "I will use my phaser to free you from the rock."
"I would rather you did not," Data said, vaguely alarmed.
"It's all right, Data. We'll have you out in no time," said Geordi. "This won't hurt a bit."
"You were drooling in your sleep," Marvin informed him.
"I am incapable of drooling," Data said.
"Of course you'd say that. They all do," Marvin said.
"You have accused people of drooling before?"
Marvin didn't answer.
Data considered what he knew about Marvin's personality. He became suspicious and wiped experimentally at his chin. There was drool.
"I told you so," said Marvin dolefully.
"You did indeed," Data said.
Data heard the sound again, a distant whine that did not sound like a naturally occurring phenomenon. "Do you hear that?"
"No."
"It's probably just my imagination," Data decided.
"Aren't imaginations terrible? I wish I didn't have one."
They sighed in tandem.